Many of us create undue stress on others and ourselves throughout the day by not honoring what we really feel inside.    Everyday I witness people “going with the flow” or supporting others requests or comments, despite the fact that they may not really agree.  I know a lot of people do this to avoid tension and conflict. However, if we are able to communicate effectively and act with integrity, common ground will always be found; creating more harmony and less stress for everyone. 

Regardless of the venue; at home, at work or at play, it is important for common ground to be met.  I realize not everyone can be happy and satisfied all of the time, but compromises can be made in every situation that can result in everyone feeling content.  So when we find ourselves in these ‘sticky’ circumstances, how do we communicate our desires effectively without causing conflict?  I offer these simple steps for voicing your thoughts, without causing stress, that actually result in creating more harmony and cohesiveness. 

• State your position as a question:  Most people, including your co-workers, bosses, children and family respond to well though out questions.  Asking a question is more passive and allows the person to see your side of the equation and give back their options.  Frequently one of these responses will be the one you were looking for.  This method works just as well on children as on adults in all positions, and you will always come across as caring, professional and courteous.

• Use Humor:  Humor is a great way to alleviate the tension is a room or within a stalemate.  Tasteful gestures are very effective for moving conversation towards finding a win-win situation everyone will support.  If your office routinely gets lunch from the same place everyday, and you feel it is time for a change, perhaps you could say something like: “If I have another meal from the Cluck Shack, I think I’ll turn into a chicken.  Anyone up for something different today?”  Humor is a great way to re-direct thought to something different—try it.

• State your truth and offer solutions: Offering solutions is one of the most powerful was to effect change.  “Bring solutions, not problems,” is an all too common axiom in business, but is seldom embraced.  People always like to point out the negative, and appear not to know how to fix it.  “If you’re not part of the solution, your part of the problem,” is yet another famous business quote.  So how many times do we all need to hear it before we begin to use it?  Politely and professionally state your opinions and offer several options for everyone to choose from.  Make sure the options are varied and broad, to appeal to the widest audience.

• Find compromise:  If no one agrees, there is always a compromise that will fit.  It may not be right in front of your face all the time, but it is there.  Be creative, think out of the box, and always encourage others to help the brain-storming process.  This will not only bring many solutions, but the process can also be a lot fun.

• State your point of view: Sometimes it only takes letting others around you know where you are coming from, to evoke thought and compromise.  Always be courteous, even-keeled and direct when stating your point of view.  Try not to tell a story and sound like a victim.  Only state the facts; they are powerful and will be enough to get others thinking. 

• Start with praise and give your option:  The easiest way to soften someone is to compliment him or her.  “You are so creative. How do you come up with some of this stuff?” is a great start. Then you can continue with, “ That is such a great idea. Do you think it is the best one you can think of for everyone?  I think what you are saying is great, but it could be much better if we coupled it with this idea…” Let them think it is their idea.  What’s wrong with that anyway?  The goal is contentment for everyone, who cares if it is your idea. Let others have credit, and watch all you recommendations be realized.

It is easy to give your views and not cause tension.  And sometimes is only takes one person to speak up to get the masses behind you.  Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion, what’s the worst that can happen?  You may not always get to listen to your favorite station, eat your preferred meal, or have your ideas implemented at the office, but if you learn to speak out the correct way, most of the time you’ll find a happy solution.   Don’t be afraid to voice your thoughts and your opinions, not only do you honor yourself and fulfill your desires, but also you give others around insight into you.  Practice these simple techniques when you are not in concert with what is going on around you.  You’ll be surprised how many people will honor your suggestions and opinions, and you just might make the day a bit brighter for everyone.